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Friday, November 9, 2018

Getting Over Being Dumped, 7 Tips to Guide You

If you get the feeling that someone is trying to avoid you, never have anything to do with that person again.

Losing at love can be painful. Getting dumped hurts, especially when you never saw it coming. It's easy to believe everything is going great, until. Wham! Out of nowhere, you discover your lover has found someone new, and you are left sad and blue. Feelings of guilt, remorse, and even bitterness may creep into your world and cloud your thoughts. But. Stop! Don't let any of that happen.

Yes, I know, the new woman in his life has three initials after her name, is rich and famous, a beauty queen, and graduated Yale, Harvard and Dartmouth. Okay, so I exaggerate here a bit, but you get the picture, and the pain of losing at love when you didn't see it coming may leave you brokenhearted, alone, and wondering why me?

But just know that everything is going to be okay, because I have 7 helpful tips to get you through.

1. Honor Your Grief

The process of recovering from getting dumped is a challenge. It's grief. If you're too weary to face your friends or family at this time, it's okay to take a break. Perhaps even a day without your cell phone and the internet may be just what you need to help you regain your self esteem.

2. Permission

Of course you feel sad. Getting dumped hurts. It's a form of betrayal, and there is no worse hurt. So give yourself permission to shed a few tears. You are entitled to your sad feelings.

3. Embrace Change

It is important to put a positive spin on this negative experience. Begin by thinking new found freedom, then embrace this sudden change in your life.

4. Don't Think, Do Dump the Stuff

Don't dwell on the past. Don't keep any of the stuff he gave you. These things will only act as reminders of a once upon a time life gone awry. So dump those old keepsakes, gifts of jewelry, perfume, and any silly love letters you may have stashed around your house. Or, if you can't part with them, hide them someplace you won't seek them out for the next hundred years, because they will only act as anchors and will drag you down every time you see them.

5. Stay Strong

However tempted you may be to contact your ex to just talk over old times, or to simply ask why did this happen?, DON'T! Don't do it! Odds are it won't help. Yours was not a business relationship, and even then that doesn't always work. Yours was about love, trust, respect and being faithful and honoring one another. Now it is important for you to concentrate on closure, and getting on with the rest of your life.

6. Trust Your Journey

In life we learn the greatest lesson is nothing is forever. So begin, right this moment, to trust your new journey and believe that you are set free to make a new path. How fortunate for you.

7. Accept, Believe

Take time to accept that the man of your dreams is done with you. He dumped you. Remember? It doesn't matter the reason. More important, accept that you are done with him. Know that it is okay to forgive him for all the pain he has caused you, but it is not okay to want him back. Or, to let him think he can have you back. Forget him, and move on. Believe in you. Believe that you are someone special and that someone special is out there waiting especially to meet you. And to love you back.

8. You're Not Alone

If after awhile you can't seem to get on top of your feelings, if you're struggling, feeling the least bit overwhelmed, don't feel you are alone, because you are not. Like Ma Bell says, "...Just reach out and touch someone," a friend, a close family member, or better, a counselor. Let's face it, breaking up is hard to do, and working at getting over someone who has hurt you deeply will take work, but by validating your feelings, getting needed support from a professional, or just admitting out loud to a close friend that you're hurting, will help to mend your broken heart.

What's this? 8 tips to guide you? Yes, I know I said I had 7 tips, but just like getting dumped with no clue it was coming, it is important for you to learn to expect the unexpected. Now put into action everything noted above, and before you know it, you will have turned your upside down smile right side up again, and you may even find yourself back in the dating game, again. And with someone new!

What are you waiting for?

Author of A Gift of Love, Linda Della Donna is a freelance writer. She makes her home with the memory of a pretend kitty and rescued teacup Yorkie somewhere in  New York.

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