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Thursday, November 13, 2014

Grief -- What It Is, What It Isn't - For Widows Only

These last weeks, this author has received numerous emails from individuals struggling with grief. First, my sincerest condolences. Next, today's post is dedicated to those readers who took time to write and ask for my advice. I hope it helps.

What Grief Is/What Grief Isn't

by Linda Della Donna

Grief is not punishment for a past moment in your life. So stop that. You did nothing wrong to deserve the death of your loved one.

Grief is a journey. Long. Dark. Unknown. Think tunnel. Can't go around it. Can't go over it. You just gotta go through it.

Grief is not a straight line. Sometimes years go by without feeling pain, and then when you least expect it, it rears its morbid head and bites you hard in your heart reminding you that mourning the loss of your significant other, husband, soul mate, mentor, lover, best friend, and hero, never gets easy, it just gets less hard.

Grief is a thumb print. No two alike.

Grief is not one size fits all. There is no grief map, grief prescription, grief guide, grief watch, grief calendar, or grief clock to make your journey pleasant. Each widow must figure out for herself just how long it will take for her to feel life is worth living again without Him by her side. But you, dear widow, have permission to take as much time as you need.

Grief is overwhelming to the strongest and mightiest of individuals, and until a widow has perfected her coping mechanism, the one that teaches life is rich and rewarding even without her best friend by her side, she will struggle with her pain.

I know it's not easy losing a beloved spouse, but this much I promise, as time inches forward, you will make it through your grief process. You will stop looking at your wristwatch, clock, and calendar, and measuring your life in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years since His death, because you will have learned it wastes energy, energy best spent on living life to its fullest. I know, because I am a widow, too, and if I can get through the grief process, so can you.

Eventually, we all evolve into the best we can be.

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