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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Widowhood, Bullets Over Broadway, John Pastore, and A Gift of Love

Since writing and publishing A Gift of Love, I get mail, mail from all over the world from readers asking questions, lots of questions, about widowhood. A newly-widowed woman wrote and asked for advice saying what should I know about being widowed? And a friend of a newly-widowed woman asked what words can I say to my newly-widowed girlfriend?

Here are three things to remember:

1. Being newly-widowed is like being green--all the time. And like Kermit the Frog crooning, "It's not easy being green," it is a reminder that mourning the death of a loved one never gets easy. With time, it just gets less hard. How much time? Well, there is no clock, no calendar, no magic wristwatch saying when a widow is done grieving. Grief is unique as a thumb print--no two alike.

2. Being newly-widowed means never wanting to hear words saying get over it, already; you're young, you'll meet someone new, or he/she would want you to find a new love. For a man or woman just buried a spouse, these words will sting like acid on raw flesh. Best advice to friends, family and co-workers seeking words of wisdom to say to their newly-widowed friend, keep your mouth shut. Think bobble head in back of car in front of you when stopped at traffic light. Nod and make like a cornfield--be an ear. Allow your friend to vent. Just listen.

3. Being newly-widowed means mending a broken heart. Grief is not a contest. Dear reader when searching for words of comfort for your newly-widowed friend, it is wise to refrain from saying another person's grief is worse. It is a humbling hobbling experience to bury a spouse. Be supportive. Be kind. Give words of encouragement and hope, and validate your newly-widowed friend as he/she cycles through his/her grief process. 

That's it for today's blog post. 

See you in print,

Linda Della Donna
Author of A Gift of Love

P.S. to Vincent Pastore starring in Bullets Over Broadway:

Remember me? Uncle Frankie's daughter? Aunt Angie's neice? I played with your sister, Sarah. Call me. I'd love to snap a few photos and do your interview. Please? 

Something to smile about:

"Always be yourself, unless you can be a pirate. Then always be a pirate."--off a Facebook post.

Something to think about:

"Things change, and not in the way you expect (or want)." --Nicole Gelina

Something I snapped a photo of:

Mother Goose sitting on a clutch of eggs with Father Goose standing guard.

Did you know Canadian Geese mate for life?

Linda Della Donna is the author of A Gift of Love.

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