|...And sometime when I wasn't looking, I got a new life.|
For Widows Onlyby Linda Della Donna
What We Try
What We Don't Try
We don't try to make mistakes. But we do. Just like death, mistakes can and do happen.
We don't try to forget to write a check, forget to walk the dog, forget to feed His cat or clean the cat box. But we do.
We try to get over our mistakes as quickly as possible. Because we know if we don't get over them, they will drag us down.
We try to make new friends. When we are able.
We try to keep the friends we got. When we are unable.
We even try to make our lives different. Though we haven't a clue how to go about doing it.
We try to keep from falling into a personal pit of despair. Because the pain involved in climbing out of that pit, and the distance, reaching up to touch bottom, is sometimes more than we can bear.
We try to change the way we look at life. We try to see the glass half full; not half empty.
We don't try to deny our grief. But like trying to avoid going to the bathroom, poop happens.
We try to remember that grief is a tunnel. Can't go around it. Can't go over it. Just gotta go through it.
We don't try to get stuck in there.
We try to own our feelings. We try to cope. We try to be strong.
We don't try to hang our heads low. We know better than that.
We try every day since burying Him to feel good about ourselves, to perform simple tasks in life. Like get out of bed, comb hair, feed dog and cat. But like a field of fresh-mowed hay, we sometimes twist in the wind. We sometimes (metaphorically speaking) get blown away. We can never be sure from which direction that ol' grief wind will blow. And we try to be prepared.
We don't try to feel sad, lonely, crazy, stupid, numb, and dumb. But like the grief-stricken dolphin in Aelilan's story, the one that beached itself after his boy-owner accidentally impaled himself on the spike of his dorsal fin, sad stuff happens.
We try to feel up.
We don't try to feel down.
We try to remain hopeful, and to remain focused. We try to move one giant baby step forward, and we try to get on with the rest of our lives.
We don't try to think how much His death has rocked us to our core. Because like it or lump it, we must accept it.
We try every second of every day to live life without Him. Because in order to survive without Him we must.
And we will.
Linda Della Donna is a writer and public speaker. She supports individuals going through the grief process. Recently, she fulfilled a promise and wrote a book, A Gift of Love. It is available at your local book seller store.
Never share your work with a non-writer. They won't understand. They'll think your crazy.
I think of a writer as a river: you reflect what passes before you.--Natalia Ginzburg