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Thursday, January 16, 2014

What We Worry About, What We Don't Worry About, and A Gift of Love

We worry if we gain weight; lose weight.
Is our hair too long;
too short, too gray;
too dark?
Does this dress make our butt look fat? 
-- Linda Della Donna


For Widows Only
What We Worry About, 
What We Don't Worry About.
by Linda Della Donna c 2005


We are alone and we worry about that.
We worry we will die alone.

We buried our life partner and now we worry about who will bury us?
Who will walk our dogs, who willl feed our cats when we're gone?

We don't worry about who will spend our money.
Instead, we worry we will be homeless -- We'll push a grocery cart with a shopping bag filled with our belongings - or, worse yet - we won't need a grocery cart, won't need a shopping bag because we won't have belongings.

We worry about Social Security benefits.
We didn't know we must be age 60 in the Federal government's eyes in order to receive widow's benefits.

We worry about long term health insurance.
We've read the teensy print at the bottom of the contract and we worry if we get sick how will we manage six months before that kicks in?

We worry about children -- Ours.
What if something happens to them?

We worry we'll get sick.
Who will buy ginger ale, walk the dog, feed the cat if we're not there?

We don't worry who to call in an emergency.
We think there is no one.

We worry about a car, if we own one.
What if it breaks down or never starts again?

We worry if we gain weight; lose weight.
Is our hair too long; too short, too gray; too dark? Does this dress make our butt look fat?

Will there be sunshine tomorrow?
We get depressed when it rains; when it doesn't.

We worry about money.
We worry we are a burden - To friends, to family, to society.

We don't worry about calling our children.
We know they are entitled to their own lives, and when we forget, they remind us.

We worry about how we'll spend holidays -- Thanksgiving, Easter...
Who will help us hang mistletoe and Stars of David?

We worry about a little voice inside our heads.
We know it's a make-believe monkey up there and we can handle that.

But sometimes it feels like the make-believe monkey is an army of monkeys.
We worry if we tell someone, they'll think we're crazy.

We worry we will lose our mind.
We worry we already have.

We worry we are stupid, dumb, crazy, mean, unkind, and just plain ugly.
We worry when we make a mistake that we did this because of all these awful traits.

We worry will we meet someone; we worry we won't.
We worry we will care.

We worry he will get sick.
We worry he will die.

We worry we can't trust in god.
Ever. Again!

We worry no one understands.
We don't know how to tell another we're getting through the grief process, and doing the best we can.



Linda Della Donna is a poet, photographer, grief coach and author of A Gift of Love, available at Archway Publishing.



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